The term ‘siblings’ refer to brothers and sisters. Parents, who have their biological child and want to adopt a second child, need to first prepare their own child for adoption much in advance. It is very important to prepare the older child for the arrival of a new child, in order to fight feelings of jealousy, sibling rivalry and loneliness. Sibling rivalry is a part of growing up. It means the competitive feelings and actions that often occur among children in a family. However, parents need not be stressed out to curtail the emotion as there are ways by which you can reduce sibling rivalry.
How do you respond to children’s squabbles and fights? Do you respond like a policeperson, trying to get to the bottom of the dispute? Do you see it as your job to keep law and order?
Do you respond like an escapee, getting away from the fighting? Do you leave kids to work out the dispute them selves?
Where does this competitiveness come from?
? Temperament plays a part. Some kids are just naturally more competitive and like to be the best. If they can’t be the best then they often won’t compete or do an activity.
? Gender impacts as well. Due to their physiology boys tend to be more competitive than girls. As many teachers know one way to get the best out of boys is to turn a simple learning activity into a quiz or game. Hey presto, they have turned on the learning switch by introducing a competitive element.
? Family position plays a part. You may notice that kids adjacent to each other in families tend to fight a little harder with each other for supremacy than they do with other kids. So two child families experience a lot of competition.
? Family atmosphere contributes to competition. Some families are more competitive by nature than others. Parents can unwittingly turn simple activities into competitions with statements such as “let’s see who the best at all.”
? Competitive role models impact as well. You may have to curb your competitive nature, and resist turning every game into a full-blown, ‘I’m gonna beat you’ affair!

The key to reducing sibling fighting lies in what you as a parent do when they don’t fight
Have fun as a family. It’s hard to fight when you’re having fun and enjoying each other’s company so look for ways to inject some fun and games into family life.
Have one-on-one time with each child. Kids like their parents one at a time and will often compete for parental attention. Set aside some regular time for each child and give them A-grade attention on your terms.
Expect kids to help each other. The key word in this sentence is ‘expect’. Parental expectations are potent. So get older kids hearing younger kids read. Get younger kids doing jobs for their older siblings. Get all kids helping you. Get the picture? The helping habit doesn’t rule out sibling rivalry but it helps establish a cooperative tone in your family.
Put kids in situations where they have to work together. Most homes are compromise free places. Kids rarely share bedrooms or televisions these days so they don’t learn how to compromise or negotiate. A simple way to do this is to ask kids to do jobs in pairs so they learn to work together.
Encourage more, praise less. High praise parents produce competitive kids, as they will compete with each other for parental approval. Use encouragement instead to get the best out of your kids and reduce one reason for kids competing. Encouragement focuses on the processes (effort, improvement and contribution) of what they do rather than the results. You can learn all about the wonderful art of encouragement in Bringing out your child’s CONFIDENCE.
Put children in the same boat when they misbehave. This principle always get resistance when I mention it in talks. Basically, it means when one child messes around every child experience the consequence. For instance, if one child is fighting in the TV room, then it goes off and every child misses out. Sounds unfair, but it actually reduces fighting over the long-term, as kids will gang up against you. It actually unites kids a lot of the time.
Conduct family meetings when the eldest is five. Family meetings give you an opportunity to focus on children’s relationships, providing a vehicle to teach kids to resolve conflict themselves. Some kids of the male variety need to be taught the skills of conflict resolution, and meetings provide a regular and safe format to do this in.
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By: jazdoil1

Filed under: Baby and Child

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